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Malk & Kookies - Malkavian Tabloid May 2000

Malk and Kookies - The Malkavian Tabloid Vol.1 Iss.1

Edited by Mike Ooi

WELCOME to the premiere issue of Malk & Kookies, the tabloid written by
Malkavians for the infotainment/frustration of V:TES players everywhere.
Please feel free to submit (to my will! - sorry - ed.) any ideas,
suggestions, praise, and articles to Please feel free to
submit any complaints to "Upstreamer" at (and tell him he
smells - ed.).  Looking for serious, tournament winning stratagems or
abusable/broken combos? Look elsewhere. Looking for ways to entertain your
playgroup? You've come to the right place. With that being said, enjoy this
first issue!




By Leandro

Hostile Takeover leaving a bitter taste in your mouth? Are your fingers sore
from ripping up Disputed Territories? Is what you'd like to do to Konstantin
illegal in several states? Are you tired of being Graverobbed and never
hearing from them again, even after they promised to call? Well, I have a
few suggestions that might help you keep your cards "yours".

1. For Disputed Territory - There are a few ways to fight the political
bastards. The easiest is to simply have vote lock on the table. (well duh -
ed.) For times when that is not an option, Delaying Tactics is a good
option. It cancels the current political action and prevents the bastard's
other minions from calling that vote again for the rest of their turn,
giving you an opportunity to take preventative actions. Be sure to time it
after all vote modifiers have been played, which is really helpful against
weenie Bewitching Decks. What preventative actions you can take are up to
you. If the Disputed Territory is inevitable, you can try a "Scorched Earth"
policy and Arson/Rampage/built-in self-destruct the location in question. If
the vote lock is tenuous, send their votes to torpor with a well-timed Bum's
Rush or even nastier Fear of Mekhet on a weak Justicar/IC member.

2. For Nasty Master Cards - The only real option you have here is Sudden
Reversal. Keep one handy, especially for that bastard who always plays with
Hostile Takeover.

Those are ways you can use the game mechanics to your advantage. There are
other ways to keep your cards "yours".
My favorite is this: Before arriving at the game site, wrap your deck in tin
foil and seal it in a Zip-loc bag. Bring a pair of latex surgical gloves
with you to the game site. Before unveiling your deck, be sure to put on the
gloves and spend some time examining them for holes and tears. Try to look
"worried". Open the Zip-loc bag, holding it away from you at arm's length.
Place the tin-foiled deck on the table and unwrap carefully. By now you
should have attracted some attention; simply deflect their questions with,
"I can't tell you now, maybe later." Or "Did you see The Jackal? That's all
I can say."  Shuffle your cards carefully, stopping between shuffles to
examine your gloves for tears. When your opponent offers to cut your cards,
hand them a latex barrier device of your choice (dental dam) and make them
use it while cutting your cards. Then place the barrier in the Zip-Loc bag.
Begin play as normal. See how many people attempt to touch your cards now!
If no one comments on this being unusual, then you are definitely a
 One other, simpler tactic: when any of these cards are played, before the
target is chosen, pull out a switchblade and stab it into the table. Glare
menacingly, or look as detached from human emotion as possible. Either
 Until next month, I'm out of here. I got some IC business to take care of,
and I need to hurt people making transfers. Word.

By Hannibal
The combo we will be looking at in this issue in Ascendance/Deal with the
Devil. I'm sure you will agree that these cards break the balance of the
game. Let's take a look at the cards separately first and then look at them
being used together.

This master card is clearly the most powerful card in the game. It gives you
1 pool and has NO cost. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? What were they thinking?
Ascendance should cost 1, maybe 2 pool for the benefit it gives you. And it'
s not blockable. Sure, Ascendance is the biggest target for Sudden
Reversals, but you can only have so many Sudden Reversals in a deck.

I don't know how many times I've been one turn away from ousting my prey,
and they play Deal with the Devil and pull out a Werewolf Pack. That's
another broken combo for another issue of Malk & Kookies. Just thinking
about this card makes my blood boil.

This is the most abusable combo in the game. Play ASCENDANCE. If you don't
have one, play DEAL WITH THE DEVIL. That way, you're sure to get another
ASCENDANCE or DEAL WITH THE DEVIL for your next turn. Don't play DEAL WITH
THE DEVIL if you have an ASCENDANCE, or you'll have to discard the
ASCENDANCE. Don't waste your ASCENDANCE. They are hard to find. Jeffrey
Thompson, aka TheLasombra, spends hours surfing the web and hoarding these
precious cards so that no one else can play with them. How else can you
explain the rarity of these cards in other people's decks?

Next time: Powerbase:Rome and Lucky Blow

By Zebulon

I just called to say, "I love you"
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say, "I love you"
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

3 of Clubs
By Ozmo

The 3 of Clubs is probably one of the best cards you can have in a game. It'
s not the 2 of Clubs, and it's not the 4. I won't insult your intelligence
by explaining it further. Tickle me.

By Watenda

Julius is AWESOME! He has Quietus and Serpentis and only costs 1 pool. He
can play all the nasty Quietus hunting reaction cards at the inferior AND he
can play Phobia without stealth. And he never goes to pesky torpor. Even
better, in combat play Mummify and burn him yourself! Then bring another one
out! Which leads us to the DECK OF THE MONTH.

Orange Julius
By Sylvester Simms

12 Julius

9 Ascendance (more if you can get them)
9 Deal with the Devil

Combat cards:
30 Mummify

Reaction Cards:
30 Foul Blood

Action Cards:
12 Phobia

I hate torpor. I hate it so much, I hurt other people when I go to torpor.
Don't send me to torpor. I'll be mad. Anyway, I built this deck so the
vampire never goes to torpor. See? Get the hell out of here.

Mike Ooi

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